For the last several weeks the focus of these articles has been on the role of communication in marriage. Previous articles have looked at on where and how couples go wrong when trying to resolve problematic issues (www.balancedfamily.com). Knowing what to avoid is only a first step. It is at least equally important to have practical and effective tools with which to address those difficult issues which invariably arise in committed relationships.

Complaints Or Criticism: The Effect On Your Marriage

This month I have been focusing on communication and its role in relationships (www.balancedfamily.com). One of the most difficult things a couple can do is address an issue which one partner finds problematic. It seems that no matter how small the issue or how calmly it is broached, the resulting conversation escalates into a fight. Most often this occurs because one of the partners moves from a specific complaint to a more global criticism. Once this happens, the immediate response is to become defensive. At that point, any further effort to reach resolution is futile.

How Your Communication Style Affects Your Marriage

One of the challenges of working with couples is finding a way to get at the individual pain lying beneath the problems being presented. This requires the ability to read between the lines of what is being said to reveal what is being felt. It is during this process that a couple’s style of communication is exposed. This pattern of communication is a function of each of the partner’s individual style and their way of responding to each other. Changing any one of these three things will result in a new and, hopefully, more effective manner of communication.

We Have Talked About It A Million Times Why Don't You Get It? - 05/10/07 - 09:09:11 PM

As I pointed out in my last article (www.balancedfamily.com), one of the major complaints I hear from the couples who come to me for help is a problem communicating. I listen to the concerns and provide my interpretation about what is going on. After some discussion of my conclusions, inevitably one of the partners, usually the woman, will state she has been saying that for years.

Communication and Intimacy: The Foundation for Marriage - 05/03/07 - 08:05:39 PM

The two main complaints I hear from my clients are: 1) We don’t communicate anymore; and 2) I love my partner, I’m just not in love with him/her anymore. What they don’t realize is that these two statements are just different ways of saying the same thing. It is impossible to feel connected to someone you think does not listen to you or respect what you’re saying.

Creating Your Couple Money Future - 04/19/07 - 11:56:44 AM

Now that you have discovered what your relationship with money is and how it developed, it's time to determine what effect your view of money has on your marriage. (To learn how to identify your money story go to www.balancedfamily.com). Unless you are very lucky, you and your partner do not have the same money stories.

What is Your Money Story? - 04/13/07 - 06:23:01 PM

In the last column I presented some questions about how people think about money and how it causes problems in their relationships (available at www.balancedfamily.com). How we answer these questions is a function of what we learned about money as a child. In other words, our money story determines what our beliefs, values and habits are in terms of earning, saving and spending. The similarities and differences in how you and your partner view money will determine whether or not financial issues will become sources of conflict in your relationship.

How Money Can Mess Up Marriage - 04/05/07 - 09:04:31 AM

April is tax time and, as a result, money currently is the topic of conversation in households across America. If you and your partner are in sync financially the level of stress in your relationship is probably low right now. Unfortunately, finances are one of the two major problem areas affecting marriage. The other is intimacy (which will be addressed in a future series). This month I will examine how issues relating to money can do serious damage to your relationship.

Begin As You Intend To Go On - 03/29/07 - 09:07:17 AM

In an article in the Raleigh News and Observer two weeks ago the recent increase in marital therapy in Japan was discussed. It seems divorce is becoming more acceptable and men, who have devoted their lives to their career are beginning to realize there is a good chance they will live their retirement years alone. These men are waking up to the fact that all those years spent at the office have taken a toll on their marriages and their wives are tired of waiting to be recognized and appreciated.