Over the past several weeks I have been addressing what kinds of things people should be focusing on when looking for a life partner.  After having lunch with a friend who is the mother of two daughters, I wanted to expand on a previous article, "Job Description for the Perfect Partner" (http://www.balancedfamily.com/).  While we were talking about that article, Debra was telling me how she has tried to instill in her daughters the difference between dating and courtship.  She takes an interesting approach to what many people think a

Recently I watched a television program focusing on the troubles of a very young married couple.  There were multiple problems and disagreements in the marriage involving money, division of labor, raising the children, and inappropriate ways of fighting.  The Rev. T. D.

In my last article I examined how you can know if you want to be with a particular person or just be in a relationship (http://www.balancedfamily.com/).  I introduced the possibility that many of our relationships are driven by a fear of being alone.  Today, I would like to take a more in-depth view of this fear and how it hurts us as individuals as well as making healthy, successful relationships unlikely.

In the last few articles I have been taking a look at what qualities/characteristics need to be present to have a truly successful relationship (http://www.balancedfamily.com/). I have focused on the importance of knowing who you are and what you require as an essential starting point. As part of the continuing discussion on this topic, I think it's time to address your actual goal for a relationship is and why you want to be in one.

Last time I addressed the pressure we feel to find our soul mate (http://www.balancedfamily.com/).  I examined the issue in terms of how this "happily ever after" concept is presented to us in movies, books, and fairy tales.  We are led to believe there is only one true love and circumstances must be just right if we are to have that perfect relationship.  What many of us never learn is that many people can fill the role of "the one".  What is really necessary is a clear and well defined understanding of what makes a certa

As we find ourselves between the two most popular holidays for popping "the question", I thought it was time to address an issue I am frequently asked about - how does one know if the person he/she is with is the "right one"?  From fairy tales, romantic movies, and even our friends and family, we are bombarded with the idea of finding our one true soul mate.  It is pounded into us that unless we find our other half, we are doomed to lead unfulfilled and unhappy lives.  One of the most frequently quoted, and completely misguided, romantic lines is "You complete me

Time is running out.  Valentine's Day is almost here.  You have made all your plans and are just waiting for the arrival of Cupid and his quiver of arrows to get the romance under way.  The stress of making reservations and the time you took finding just the right gift and card will all be worth it when you see the smile on your partner's face.  Not like last year when you got the wrong size or the wrong color.  This year it will be just right.  The question is, is it the gift your partner really wants or is it just one more tangible item to wear, eat or use?  But it really

Another New Year is upon us.  All the holiday decorations are gone and the bills have arrived.  Are you facing the new year with a sense of hope?  Or are you left asking, "Is this all there is?"  If you are feeling down, or even just a bit unsettled, maybe it's time to take a closer look at your expectations.  Examining our disappointments can lead us to a new appreciation of what we have as well as help us to plan where we want to be.

Sam and Maria came to see me just after they got engaged. Maria had been married before; this would be Sam's first. They came because they wanted to get their marriage right. They both had strong religious beliefs and took the idea of marriage very seriously. But Sam, like a lot of people, was afraid of committing to one person for the rest of his life. His track record with relationships wasn't very good and he was concerned he wouldn't be able to be successful this time either. The day they told me they had set a wedding date was one of my best days as a therapist.

But We Always Go to My Mother's: The Importance of Making Your Own Traditions

With the start of the holiday season this week I want to address one of the most mine-laden topics a couple will face: what do we do for the holidays? How this issue is addressed can have a far-reaching impact on the relationship. This intricate dance involves each person's relationship with his/her extended family, cherished (or depressing) memories from childhood, as well as the definition of the boundaries of the new relationship, both between the partners and with the outside world.