Women’s Biggest Relationship Mistake-Part 2

In continuing to examine the mistake women make when committing to a relationship too early, it’s important to understand what’s going on with men.  There is a proven lag in the time that men take to commit to a relationship that a woman has already made.  This lag appears as mirror-image S curves of women and men in level of commitment over time.

Part of this lagtime for men is due to their slowly becoming aware of the benefits to them that an exclusive relationship can provide.  But what they may be seeing is the woman fitting her behavior around his needs, not a real reflection of a relationship based on mutual respect and caring.

In trying to make the relationship successful, women make choices that are against their long-term self-interest.  Moving in together before their is a clearly stated level of commitment is one example.  I’m not sure that being “friends with benefits” is not another.  College age women admit sleeping with guys they know their friends have slept with in hopes that they will be the one to be “the girlfriend”.

I keep hearing my mother’s voice saying, “Why should he buy the cow when he can get the milk for free?”  It’s truly not a problem if the woman isn’t anymore committed than he is, but that isn’t what the research shows.  Women often move in with a man in the hopes that it would lead to something more serious.  To continue with the farm analogies, that’s putting the cart before the horse.

One of the worst outcomes of a woman not honoring her own needs, and maybe one that is not well-known, is that a man loses respect for her.  Men like the challenge of the chase.  They like a bit of mystery and excitement in their lives.   When a woman makes it too easy, a man can get bored and look for that challenge in ways that damage the relationship.  Women often then make the mistake of trying to be more accommodating and pleasing.  This creates less commitment, not more, on the man’s part.

Men are right when they say their partner isn’t the woman he fell in love with.  She has changed into someone neither recognizes anymore.  One, or both, feel a bait and switch has occurred and the relationship becomes vulnerable to failure.

The question becomes what do you do now?  Do you walk away or do you work to change the problematic pattern?  Better yet, how do you avoid this trap in the first place?   If you want to be more than a “girlfriend”, finding these answers will be key.

There are no comments yet. Be the first and leave a response!

Leave a Reply

Wanting to leave an <em>phasis on your comment?

Trackback URL http://www.balancedfamily.com/post/womens-biggest-relationship-mistakepart-2/trackback
SEO Powered By SEOPressor