Time As Priority

A colleague, Dr. Willard Harley, suggests that couples spend at least fifteen hours of quality time together every week.  This is time when focus is on your partner, not the kids, work, the budget, or the TV.  When I suggest spending this time together to my clients, the response I frequently get is “We don’t have time.”

In her new book, 168 Hours, Laura Vanderkam offers a great position on that excuse, “I don’t have time”.  Her position, and one I agree with, is not that we don’t have time; just that it’s not a priority.  Laura Vanderkam suggests replacing “I don’t have time” with “I won’t do _________ because it’s not a priority”.  Instead of, “I don’t have time to spend with my partner right now,” you’d say, “I’m not going to spend that time right now because it’s not a priority for me.”

You may already believe you aren’t a priority to your partner.  But can you see how changing the words you use also can change what you’re telling your partner?  What comes to mind when you substitute can’t for won’t?  Are you making your partner a priority in your life?

After this holiday weekend when we remember the men and women who gave their lives so we can have the freedom of choice, are you choosing wisely?

If today were your last day, would you be pleased with how your partner feels about your relationship?

Do you really “not have the time”?

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