Sex and the Seasoned Woman — Why wait?

Sex and the Seasoned Woman–Why wait? – 02/20/06 – 07:51:06 PM

In Gail Sheehy’s new book “Sex and the Seasoned Woman”, she says that seasoned women are “open to sex, love, dating, new dreams, exploring spirituality and revitalizing their marriages as never before. They are rediscovering who they are, or who they set out to be before they become wrapped up in the roles of their First Adulthood, when their primary focus was on nurturing children, husbands or careers–or all three.”
Sheehy says the seasoned woman “can be anyone of us, as long as she is committed to living fully and passionately in the second half of life.”

I challenge the idea that we need to wait until the second half of life to live fully and passionately. I question the need for our focus to be solely on others and never on ourselves. Our partners fell in love with who we were as indiduals. Our relationships are in trouble when we stop being who we are and start becoming who we think someone wants us to be, or take on a role society says we should.

I am not suggesting we don’t need to make compromises for our partners or our children, just that we need to not give away the farm. It is important for us to know who we are and know what we can safely give away so we can maintain our core selves. It is when we sacrifice that which makes us who we truly are that we start down the path of resentment and unhappiness. If we are going to make sacrifices, they need to be well thought out. We need to make them willingly and because it is what we want to do, not what someone else wants us to do.

Being a partner and/or a parent requires balance with who we are as individuals. There is no reason we have to give up our desires, emotional and professional, until the second half of our lives. It is possible to hold onto that passion throughout our lives if we are clear on what we want and know how to negotiate for it.

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