Relationship Resolution 2 ~ Be Together

“The first kiss and the first glass of wine are the best.” ― Marty Rubin, journalist

“To seek contentment is to release the novelty that lies within monotony” ― Ilyas Kassam, poet

Lesli Doares 2

The First Time:  You can only experience “the first time” once. Yet the desire to recapture this moment continually drives us. It’s what keeps heroin addicts chasing the experience of their first high and it is what’s often behind the expression, “I love my partner, I’m just not in love with them anymore.”

Falling in love is like being high on drugs. Our brains release neurotransmitters that make us feel wonderful, energized, and connected to the object of our affection. In fact, falling in love has been wired into human brains by design. The natural “drugs” that are part of our rewards system are key to bringing two people together to mate and ensure the survival of the species.

Familiarity and routine dims the production of these natural “drugs” over time, often leading to a sense of monotony and disappointment that this is all there is.

Hope:  The good news is that it doesn’t have to be. One of those brain drugs continues to be accessible if you know how. Dopamine is linked to the brain’s reward and pleasure centers and is released when you engage in novel and pleasant activities. Just the kind of things that brought you and your partner together in the first place.

Mixing up the routine in your life, doing new and fun things with your partner, will allow your brains to fall in love with each other over and over again. Sharing positive experiences grounds your relationship and is like an insurance policy for the challenging times.

Making time to be together is important if you want a long, happy marriage.  A weekly date that is purely for fun, not to talk about finances, kids, or the relationship.

Some things you can do together:

  • Cook dinner together
  • Read a book to each other
  • Take a class or lessons in something new for both of you
  • Explore a new place
  • Get physical–hike, kayak, go for a walk, have sex
  • Take a couple’s only vacation
  • Play a game.Take in a show or sporting event.
  • Try a new restaurant or food type.

Goals:  Once you get going, I’m sure you will come up with your own ideas. The goal is to shake it up, get out of your routine on a regular basis. Release that dopamine and create new memories. Make it a habit to reconnect in new ways and you’ll fall in love and stay in love.

Let me know what novel ideas you came up with and I will be happy to pass them on. Tell me about your challenges and we’ll find a way to turn them into successes.Comment below or contact me here. I am looking forward to your thoughts.

BONUS FEATURE:  Don’t forget to check out the podcast about Resolution 2:  Be Together featuring Lesli Doares, Relationship Coach.

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