Adapting to Married Life: How to Deal with a Dominating Partner

In my last post, I discussed the value of keeping whom you are as a way to possess a successful marriage. Because I may have chose to make this sound simple, the pain sensation I see during my office daily is proof who’s often just isn’t be easy.

It is difficult to take care of boundaries around yourself when you feel constant pressure out of your partner to accomplish things their way. I buy that. So, today, I would like to address those overbearing partners. Look, it isn’t that surprising. We all want circumstances to be how we long for them to become, the way that is most comfortable for people.

Lots of people call that selfish. I think of it as being human. (I would be thrilled if everyone did things my way, especially drivers but that’s a rant for an additional day. My problem is which i can’t get anyone else to buy into “Lesli World”.) The challenge of the perspective is wanting to impose “on your path” onto your partner. You could win the battle, but you will in the end lose your marriage.

Reasonable numbers of disagreement and negotiation should be expected inside a marriage. Manipulation and coercion, however, usually are not okay. When you are planning to reach your goals your marriage, you really room for your better half. This implies allowing them to be who they may be and attempt to do those ideas that actually matter for them. Naturally, how frequently the actions occur is subject to legal representative where each your concerns hold equal value.

Several years back, I used to be headed to the gym for the workout. I normally planned to achieve this when it would be least impactful to my children. In fact that this time I used to be going somewhat after usual. Because I was heading over the kitchen, my usually supportive husband said, “Will you a health club NOW?” His tone was higher than a bit for the petulant side.

Luckily, I used to be inside a particularly good mood this also behavior was very uncharacteristic of him. Rather than fight that may easily have happened, I calmly stood my ground and refused to become defensive. I suggested that, if he wanted to start visiting the gym more regularly at the same time, we’re able to sit down and check out the schedule and arrive, on the other hand wasn’t gonna feel sick about looking after myself. While not immediately mollified, my husband was able to acknowledge his own issues about my doing something he wanted at the same time.

How you behave facing not receiving on your path could be the critical issue here. Does one become a adult who recognizes that things don’t always satisfy your expectations? Or does one become a kid and fight your partner until they cry, “Uncle”? If your partner has ever called you controlling, you may want to keep an eye on at just how you react.

Here are some questions worth taking into consideration:

What’s initially my reaction when my partner does something I don’t want the crooks to do?
What exactly are my deeper feelings about my partner’s activities or behaviors?
What’s my expectation with what my partner “should” do?
Will I have a parent role and forbid my partner from participating in an activity?
Will I become a kid and whine, cry or pout?
Will I punish my partner with extreme anger or silent treatment?
How has my partner said believe that about my behavior?
Is this generate income want my partner to feel about me?

It’s not easy to create the adjustment to incorporate your partner, out of the box, in your lifetime. I realize its the largest hurdle a couple of has to clear. Each of you needs arrive at the table as equals and negotiate to the relationship you want to have. This consists of holding on to the exactly what you need to be you and also letting go of those that just cause you to feel comfortable. Both you’ll need to be adults and realize everything will not become your way constantly. They are called growing pains.

Have you been the appeaser or dominator within your relationship? How do you feel following a disagreement along with your partner? How’s that impacting all those feelings about your partner plus your marriage?

Questions about establishing a happier marriage? One of our marriage counseling services can help. See more of Lesli Doares’ inspiring blog articles about marriage and family life. Visit us at for more information and queries.

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